Thursday, July 22, 2010

Oh My..

Well, what has it been? Nearly a year since I posted on here? Good time flies. Now my days are spent with a busy toddler, keeping up with my house, and just enjoying this summer weather before it is all taken away all too quickly in the approaching months.

The past months have certainly been busy for us; vacation, visiting family, going to the beach, getting some house work done. It has been good, that is for sure. I think more importantly, God has really been dealing with my heart the last couple of months.

A few months ago we had some friends move out of States to do missionary work full time- and with four children under the age of 9, no less. I have been keeping up with their blog pretty well and have seen their living conditions, what they are doing for the Lord, and how they are dealing with life in a new country, new culture. It has really made me look upon my own life. It makes me question whether or not my life has been lived in vain thus far. I live a life of luxury in a country where (as of now) I am free to do as I please. I am proud to be an American, I really am. And I have become more grateful to all that God has given us. But as I think about my life, I feel guilty. Guilty for having a nice home, food always in my fridge, having things-things/stuff I don't even need. I have felt such a burden on my heart about this these past few months. Is it wrong that we as a society live in comfort, live in luxury? Why on earth do I feel so badly about this?

And then I have been thinking not only of that, but about my life and what I am doing for Christ. What about all of those people who suffer and die for Him, could I ever do that? Honestly? Am I REALLY willing to sacrifice all I have for Him? I would like to think so...but that is my point, I have never been faced with that obstacle. Not that I am not grateful for the life I live, but I feel like I need to move to some poverty stricken nation just to be able to fulfill God's plan for my life. I feel this desire to help reach souls that are looking for the Soul Changer. But I feel like in America, there just isn't that. We haven't been pushed to the point where we realize we are not in control and we need a Power that is too mighty for us to even comprehend. And that brings me to the question, Will I (living in the U.S.) ever truly understand or know what it means to suffer for Christ? I want on Judgment Day for God to say that I was "thou good and faithful servant" instead of, "Eh, what have you done for Me while on earth"? But what do I do? And I do understand that doing good works and being "good" will not get me into Heaven, but doesn't God call us to a life not lived for ourselves?

So this has been what I have been dealing with inside myself. I don't even know if anyone will read this, but at least I finally have it written down instead of just festering in my head like it has these past few months...

No comments:

Post a Comment